} ; My Music Notes } COMPLICATED *

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Yay done my new blog. almost done. decided to use my old one, www.sesquipedalophobic.blogspot.com haha. sounds nicer. sigh, booking in again tonight, and lotsa armskote stuff to clarify and get done. hope i won't kena anything. shall hope my fever will go down and stay down, and my throat will be better. don't wanna enter the new year in bed haha. well this MAY be the last post here. ciaoz.

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2:51 PM

Saturday, December 27, 2008

back from the city of phnom penh! and down with a fever. great, before and after the trip. maybe this explains my lethargic-ness during the trip.

4 more days!!!

I was thinking, if im gonna be single forever, how am i gonna live my life? hmm.. well, there's many obstacles in a relationship, but in singlehood, there's only one very big one, lonliness. scary aye? Well so if im in that situation, i think i'll try to make alot of money, travel the world, with my parents, perhaps become a pastor, get a degree in biblical studies or something, and try to die happy, no, satisfied. haha. ok that's some random thought.

I hate casinos, really, i see no point in gambling. It's just a place to unleash ppl's greed. IF i ever have children, they better watch out. heh.

you know what, i miss writing essays. Expository, argumentative.. hmm, this is giving me ideas.

This year i looked back, and asked myself, any regrets, any satisfaction? i thought to myself, no regrets, cos there's no point, i've to be responsible for my own actions; no satisfaction either. Cos im just not doing anything, or rather, i can't.. so this means i got some work to do next year. how? eh i duno.

shall try to revamp my blog soon. haha. have a new start or something.

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10:44 PM

here i am stoning and doing quizes on fb while waiting time to pass before keaving for the airport.

actually, i cant wait to get back to singapore, but again, i dun wanna get back to that monotonous life. man this sucks haha. sian, still have guard duty on the 9th. well.

crap internet time running out. nothing to blog anw.

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1:22 PM

Friday, December 26, 2008

gonna be screwed when i get back.. so much shit back there..

omg the year is ending. i wanna just zoom past next year too. but hopefully christmas' not like this the next time haha.

God, i feel like the distance between me and the world, its getting bigger, and between us too. i think im starting to live a world on my own.. wanna get out of this, hopefully next year is a better one.

i need another phone!!! mine dropped into the toilet bowl so i lost like all the contacts saved in my phone.. sigh. well luckily there's a spare non-camera one at home.

over here, just give them a tip of 1 us dollar and they'll treat you like a prince hahaha..

ok randomness. i really miss my piano. my bolster. my guitar. my piano. my bolster.. eh.

as you can see im really really bored. and the internet is not free wth.

well actually come to think abt it, even if im at home now, i'll be staying at home playing piano and stoning infront of the com haha.

omg i haven't shop for shoes and clothes yet and the year is ending. and there's like nothing here, well there is actually, their "latest fashion". oh did i mention they have a not so Paragon "Paragon"? haha.

sigh, i feel sucky.

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5:26 PM

a cup of vodka, 2 cups of baileys irish cream.. haha. no not tipsy, just sneeze alot.

some cool filipino band at the hotel's lounge which performs any piece requested haha. could like sit there and drink forever. man there's really nothing here, even on christmas day. had japanese lunch, and its like super filling. haha. sigh. don't know what we gonna do tmr.

anw, red wine!

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12:52 AM

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Greetings from Cambodia! haha. Ok ok like staying at some high class
hotel with some damn cool bathtub, and the people always open the door
for you when you get off the car lol. Anw there's hell lot of
motorcycles here. Even girls younger than me rides em. Well I notice
one thing here, even though the people are so much poorer than anyone
in Singapore, but their happiness index is so much higher! Oh and I'm
right they don't celebrate christmas.

Frankly speaking it's kinda boring here.

Man gonna be back in Singapore on the 27th night. I'm missing so much
that's happening back there.

Honestly I can't stop thinking... God I'd put my trust in you already, what are you gonna do now? When true love waits. Haha, perhaps I need
that book more than you do.

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7:40 PM

Monday, December 22, 2008

As im on my way home today, i was thinking to myself and i realised, happiness, it's not determined by what had happened in the past, but by the faith that believes it will come. Some may say, that's happiness itself. People get it wrong most of the time, happiness is an instantaneous thing, not something we can look back and compare with, that should be called satisfaction.

Finally bought my reeds yesterday, shall try em out later. Wanted to buy the Grand Concert brand, which sounds great on clarinets, but not sure on sax. however they don't sell individually, and the box is too ex, well next time. Need to fast a meal a day, today is the first day, hopefully this will change things.

God, this year is short, that's what i feel, time passed quickly, or rather, so much had happened, that in a blink of an eye, the next christmas is coming. What had i done, for you? You had done so much for me, in fact every step of the day, from the beginning of the year, to enlistment, to my postings, you planned it all, well. anw, i feel like eating chocolate.

im leaving, on a jetplane.. tmr. To a place which probably doesn't celebrate christmas. Well that's because they don't know the meaning of it. Here, everyone "celebrates" it, for what? Discounts, presents, party, food, getting drunk, eh.. so this is what Jesus is born into the world for, for santa clause to fly around, for shops to advertise, for us to go "yay no school!" well the next thing you know Jesus's death is all about bunnies and eggs. that's sad.

cant believe i almost got caught red-eyed..

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6:40 PM

Sunday, December 21, 2008

saw an Audi R8 on the streets today!

rachmaninoff 2nd concerto, it's really easy to appreciate as compared to the third. rach's 3 has more dept, heavy, and lotsa chromatic counterpoint with hidden melodies.. and to me, very romantic. rach 2, is rather straight forward? as in the melody, but beautiful and simple.. well that's why im learning it! hahaha. ok i don't even know im typing this. not thinking straight.

God, actually, i've been standing at this same spot since you know when.. i tried moving really, but it doesn't seem like it. maybe its ns, but more probably, its me. why do i feel so stagnant, even when im occupied?

flying off next week, sadly, can't spend christmas here. sigh. well, take it as an escape. oh, and i watched madagascar 2 last night! cool stuff haha. love the penguins. wanna watch twilight!

some words you just can't get off your head..

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12:07 AM

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Einstein and Eddington, interesting movie, for a physics geek like me haha. cool stuff, einstein's general relativity.

anyway, fever's gone, but my throat's still bad.

i love strawberries, haha, i don't know why but these few days i've been eating alot of em, nice ones somemore. and strawberry Haagen Daz! appeared in the freezer all of the sudden haha. miss bnj's..

sometimes, i just look back and wonder.. perhaps i should just look forward and imagine.

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12:01 AM

Thursday, December 18, 2008

hovering around 39 for the whole night, imagine that. my bed is an oven, yet my senses are burning cold. throat hurts like hell, body aches, and a fever that needs to be fed with panadol, 4 times 2 tab daily. i don't trust the MO, prescribing the standard paracetamol, antibiotics and lozenges, well after the stupid nosebleed eyedrops incident.. gonna see a family doc tonight. anyway, im quite dumb, suppose to be on mc today but i stayed in camp till nights out? wth.

today going home was a pleasure, meeting ppl you know on the way, just gives you some comfort that you're not alone.

argh. i hope this is gone by the weekend.

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6:32 PM

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

sick. fever, sorethroat and...

panadol not kicking in, even tho i chewed and took 2, argh. should had just stayed in camp. perhaps gonna be my first time reporting sick after the bmt crazy nosebleed incident. or, maybe i should just keep my record clean, haha. hopefully its not due to the mosquito bites then or another viral tonsillitis attack.

the stores are BACK! today is a whole lot of saikang. but well, its almost done.

don't feel like blogging.

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6:45 PM

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

egyptian kebab! nice, again forgot to ask not to add chili.

think im gonna limit myself to withdrawing 100 bucks per month, depending on the situation. than hopefully i can break the 10k mark after i ord, than try to double it before uni muahaha. if i manage to, i'll tithe 1k, cool heh. but that means i need to earn 2 k a month, hmm..

think next year im gonna do some part time job, like tuition or something, since so many nights out and im so free, but again i wanna take piano lessons for diploma, so how? shall think about it.

if i complete shostakovich's 2nd, think i'll go on to rach's 2nd! or tchaikovsky's 1st. i think i'll put rach's 3rd aside first haha. and i'll use islamey as i side piece. haha set. anw might be considering trinity instead of abrsm, haha like wad marc said, NO VIVA VOCE! haha.

richter rocks.

i have weird dreams, last night, i dreamt of a sheep, which can fly? and got shot? and it's still furry and cuddly?! k wth. its a sign, maybe im gonna get rape by a sheep or something, for eating too much lamb chop in australia, well its not my fault, they kept serving it at the cookhouse.

life is so different..

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6:54 PM

Monday, December 15, 2008

ramly burger! forgot to ask not to add chili=(

today, woke up at 7, "fall in", breakfast, slp, lunch, read the Time Machine!, nights out.

today, i read about hell, many people have the misconception of hell, especially the misinterpretation of the bible.

"This is how it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." - [Matthew 13:49-50]

horrible yea, there's also some verse speaking of worms eating our living flesh and they will never die or what. Than people rebuke, how can a loving God, who's most important creation is us, man, put people who simply doesn't believe in Him into a place like that? think about it for awhile.

God is indeed loving, and He will never want us to suffer like that, than why is there Hell? we put it on ourselves. explain? firstly, furnace of fire is just a figure of speech, how can we be thrown into eternal darkness(hell) when there's fire? haha. it just means sufferings. gnashing of teeth? first thing that comes into people's mind is, physical torture. wrong. its mental and emotional, its regrets, grieve, loneliness and helplessness. gnashing their teeth in regret. see it? than what about the worms? lol. ok, its an analogy. well Jesus loves using analogies. in the past, where sacrifices are made, there's a drain which let the blood and fats of animals flow into a pool outside, and there is all the stench and maggots feasting on it(not a place we want to be in), he's just saying hell is worse than that. so what exactly is hell? its the eternal separation of man from God. anw there's more to talk about, unending, so i shall stop here.

wanna revamp my blog soon. for the new year.

so bored. wanna watch bolt. long time since i last step into the cinema. not utilising my safra card haha.

so what's christmas? thought about it? people say its a time for celebration, joy, happiness, reunion, PRESENTS, outings, friends, families. i say, its a testimony, one that everyone can relate well enough, cos its universal, and it's annual, a testimony that Christ did walked the earth, and died for us. well people didn't want to understand that, so they cross Christ out and name it x'mas. losers. its like removing the cheese from a cheeseburger, uh ok, you know what i mean.

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6:59 PM

Sunday, December 14, 2008

home. i think lan is just a waste of time and money, as i always thought.

another week has started! and another gone. time flies.

chrsitmas!!! christmas!!! christmas!!! what does it mean to you? think about it.

i need to start thinking, for the new year, plans. well the plan now is there's no plan. but i doubt it'll last well haha.

i've been thinking alot, or rather trying to, summing up the year, and see what i'd learnt. sad to say its worse than my jc years, which is bad enough. i need to write a reflection soon, next year will be worse, i know, but important too, decisions to make, things to learn. well i do know one thing, ns sucks haha that's why.

booking in soon..

my favourite passage too. alot of truth in that mere 5 verses.

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8:27 PM

back home. can't believe i stayed out playing left4dead haha, cool fps, been a long time since i last played games.

thanks for jioing me for lunch today, tho its alittle last min, as usual, but its ok. sorry if the atmosphere is alittle.. well, it felt weird. gd meal!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" - [1 corinthians 13:4-8]

today's sermon just reaffirms my idea of love, its a choice, a conduct.

strawberries!

shall refrain from drawing money till my next pay comes.

lost, tired.

why does it feel like this..

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12:21 AM

Friday, December 12, 2008

8 pages out of 25 in 3 days. wow, shostakovich's 2nd is like so much easier than rach 3 haha. if i can learn half of 1st mvt by next week or so, think i'll go buy the complete sheet haha. i wanna take up piano lessons again, soon, next year perhaps, and maybe try dip before i ord. or after, before uni. islamey!

christmas is coming! means the year is ending, means a new year is coming, means my birthday is coming! means i still have a long way to ord.

nights out yesterday, booked out at 330 today, its really a new era after changing OC haha. wallaby stores coming back soon! means saikang.

got the whole morning and afternoon tmr before church in the evening. perhaps gonna go shop or walk ard. anw service changing venue and timing soon, so exciting haha. heard that the church's gonna find a new place to settle rather than having services at cuppage plaza's nexus auditorium. like a its own building or something. cool stuff.

perhaps shall grab a pack of macadamia choc chip tmr! long time since i last tasted famous amos. haha.

i feel like i'm deceiving myself..

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6:38 PM

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

thanks maddie!! really.

shostakovich 2nd piano concerto. im gonna perform it, somehow, heh. maybe join band in ntu and beg mr oura to find the band version. ok wth.

425 more days. wow.

still can't believe it.

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7:24 PM

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

yay promotion! means, need to spend more money buying and sewing on ranks, and a pathetic payrise of 20 dollars! congrats to me.

all i want for christmas, a friend, who'll talk crap with me, make me smile, never leave me, knows me inside out, love me, whom i can trust, lean on, catch me when im falling, who'll spend eternity with me. is that so hard to ask for?
well, if that's not possible, er i don't mind ord-ing end this yr. hahaha. ok seriously, my christmas/end yr shopping list is a bible, a book on orchestration(if i can find and hv $$$), new reeds!, new shoes!!, books from trumpet praise to keep me occupied for the new year, and still thinking.. actually, i don't need anything, my life is too good, wrong, im too pampered. i got everything except what i really need.

God, you know.

i feel alone, i hope that friend will come, soon..

im the fool.. just as i said.

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7:15 PM

Monday, December 8, 2008

i need chocolate, perhaps it'll work, for awhile..

for 2 days, i felt what was like to be temporary blind, well not totally. dumb me lost a contact lens while wearing it on the bed during the camp at pasir ris chalet. well, it got me thinking, what if im blind, which is quite possible, what's gona happen? who's gonna take care of me? who's hand can i hold on to? who can i trust? now. after being stump for awhile, i put on the other one. think i'll just pray that day won't come.

after a long talk with my shepherd on the first night (finally, i felt like a sheep), no i don't feel much better, but yes, at least i know im not alone.

frankly speaking, im quite dead the past few days. well games were fun. oh and the prank calls were ridiculously funny, think ryan called like a whole phonebook of ppl, pranking em using what "you're selected for HerWorld's top 10 models!" yadayadayada, hahaha. "if you think you don't have the cut, don't worry, we have photoshop!" omg. well but ppl do recognise that its him, cos who else? lol. anw, yea these little moments were fun, seeing ppl being thrown in the mud, laughing at em, well that's like almost everyone except me. at least i get to smile at a time like this, even if its just on the outside.

anw, white sands, seeing the bmt guys reminds me of then. well, youth, i think im gonna regret for the rest of my life, cos i'd screwed it all up. my mum asked me couple of times, don't you have any friends from school or what, why always stay at home. heh, wad can i say? i didn't say anything. 5 more months, and there goes -teen. well, at least i know for a year, i experienced joy, love and hope. perhaps that's all im gonna take away from this quarter, or maybe a third of my life(i've got a feeling im gonna die early, which is scary cos all my premonition comes true haha)

saw a daihatsu copen convertible in camp last week! damn cute haha. 67k. maybe i'll just get that if i can't earn much. lol.

booking in tmr morning! eh ok..

i still don't understand, it just won't stop pricking me..

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4:52 PM

Saturday, December 6, 2008

slowly but surely, they kept ringing in my head, my heart's shivering..

got up today, with my heart thumping fast, i just can't believe it..
another weekend has come.

anw another post in bestie blog! i hope it wont end up with only me posting.

gona rush for camp now.

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9:49 AM

Friday, December 5, 2008

how much i try to hold em back, my heart, it still can't stop crying, i still l... ...

home finally. finally home. i don't know what to feel. glad? at least im free on mon. and only need to book in on tue morning.

sigh.

nothing much to blog abt the week, neither do i want to.

im lost.

im walking alone now, the path infront just dimmed, i looked behind, and i sighed. now what?

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11:27 PM

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

3rd day in camp, and my legs are still aching from mon's pt, im so lousy, it's like only 3 km. and arms got lazy after 8 pull ups. well, after 7 plus plus weeks of lazing, not surprised.

3 more days before camp!

God, im in an empty room, i have nothing to do, don't know what to feel, don't know what's going on. throw in some flowers, lions, toys, vines, whatever, or just point a direction for me to go to, and if you do, please do it right in front of my eyes, cos im muddle-headed. sigh. maybe it's just being lonely in a crowded room. pls fill me up, overflowing..

met my SI friends just now for dinner, haha, can't believe there are ppl slacker than me, well, i blessed enough tho, dun deserve it. lot 1 had changed!! so much, and the one which put a smile on my face is, FAMOUS AMOS! muahahaha.

this life is like a template to what it's gonna be like or worse for the next 14 months!! bleah.

i think, i need a book..an interesting one, non fictional.. any recommendations?

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9:41 PM

Monday, December 1, 2008

crap, im like officially the armskote ic = more saikang.

first day in camp after 7 weeks, first thing in the morning, kena already. shit la. no pt kit, why? burnt already. cannot ask ppl help u buy? wth. anw, second arrow flew and hit me, armskote ic. sigh. well at least im not a driver or motorcyclist.

so sad, cannot spend christmas here.

booking in at 2330..eating roti john now!! dont taste very gd tho. i wanna eat prata!

something i wrote in wallaby when im basking under the stars in the middle of nowhere feeling damn bored:

"love is like the stars, for they shine the brightest at our darkest hours(sounds corny?);
the world is like the sun, for it blinds us from the love that is always there."

ok shall bathe.

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7:44 PM