Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I see the progression, the situation is just not to my favor, the wind is blowing hard this time. Sigh, i feel dumb pursuing, or rather, waiting. Is this even right, is it just wishful thinking? what if..
It feels like a competition, which i can't do anything to win. It's like chaining me to the ground and asking me to compete, it hurts trying and not being able to move forward, i can't even give up and walk away.. The only way is gonna send me limping. shouldn't even place myself in this impossible race, maybe it's not my race, maybe..
I'm not making things better. i'm not suppose to be in this scene, mine ended then, someone took my role, that i foolishly gave up, so author, what are you trying to write? Did you put me in a wrong act, or did i went in myself accidentally? i feel out of place, a third party. tell me, i know you won't. at least tell me why.. i'm not in a position to complain, it's my fault.
Am i really thinking too much?
I'm holding onto the blade of a double-edged sword. I hope it's worth it. I'm sitting on the edge already, the feeling is just too overwhelming. words sounds nice, but what's happening speaks louder. i think i'm falling into the state of "realizing helplessness", except it's not physical but emotional, than stop struggling, and just... give up. it's just a matter of when.. i don't know, cos everything is just dark now, not knowing what's really happening behind the wall, the words..
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